everything i wanted you to see
by marianne in chains
Summary: [10 drabbles for the NaokoYui pairing.] This is everything Naoko never wanted Yui to know.
1. the road back to you

Title: everything i wanted you to see  
Author: seetoo  
Fandom: evangelion  
Pairing: naokoxyui  
Rating: s for stupid, lolz  
Word Count: 145  
Warnings: yuri  
Disclaimer: not mine. woez.

set of 10 drabbles.

theme: 10 –the road back to you

-

In a rare moment of solace, Naoko and Yui did not fuck (though Yui wanted it called making love, so Naoko complied) nor did they kiss, nor did they speak. They stretched out on the sterile metal floor, clipboards and statistics lying beside them, forgotten. Neither of them had hair that was long enough to splay across the cold floor in an artistic fashion, but the metal was still cold on the backs of their necks. Yui smiled and sighed contentedly, loosely twining her fingers with Naoko's.

There were no words, only their breaths, inhale and exhale, the same rhythm of life they were trying to create. The whir of electric machinery had ceased to bother either of them, and no human voices rang through the corridors. Silence. The drop of a pin and shatters—

Naoko wakes, drenched in sweat, and Yui is never there.


	2. the space between us

Title: everything i wanted you to see  
Author: seetoo  
Fandom: evangelion  
Pairing: naokoxyui  
Rating: pg13

Word Count: 273  
Warnings: yuri  
Disclaimer: not mine. woez.

theme: 8- the space between us

In the hallways Yui is Dr. Ikari and Naoko is Dr. Akagi and Gendo is, Dr. Ikari, **sir. **In the cold atmosphere of the Gehirn building, she is the bioengineering specialist and Yui is the genius, plain and simple. She toils over her Magi and Yui vanishes and she murders Rei I and dies. This is the way things seem.

The story is in the spaces.

The way Naoko's fingers try to fill the spaces between them, as though something belongs there. The way Yui locks her hands and her knees together as though praying- praying for something to fill the empty spaces. The way, when Gendo reaches his arms out to demonstrate something, that void seems a little more empty than usual.

In the spaces in the hallway- Gendo's gaze travels the length of emptiness between him and Yui.

Naoko always edges closer to Yui, trying to shorten that chain, link by link.

And Yui strains against this bonds, leans first one way, then the other.

-until they break. Suddenly everyone can see the open, aching, empty spaces. It may because now there's an empty spot around _them_, too, and maybe there is. There's a missing beat somewhere, the place where her smile used to be, where he voice floated over the metallic silence, where her pale hands moved like strange birds against a sky of carefully drawn plans.

Gendo creates a sad puppet, whose thin arms and legs cannot fit the Yui-shaped imprint in his heart.

Naoko destroys the puppet; if she cannot replace what she lost, neither can he.

No one realizes that her corpse is reaching out to something.


	3. starry heavens

Title: everything i wanted you to see  
Author: seetoo  
Fandom: evangelion  
Pairing: naokoxyui  
Rating: pg at most

Word Count: 415  
Warnings: yuri  
Disclaimer: not mine. woez.

theme: 9 – starry heavens

notes: this take on the theme is bit well, not all there. i claim artistic license for that as well as my obvious screwing around with stuff. (that license should probably be revoked.)

-

Man has explored the sky. He has taken from it myriad secrets, until he is sated. And so he has turned to the last gift of the heaven: Adam and Lilith. But in the study of these two _things_— for even Yui is hesitant to class them as anything more definite, more real, than that—lead far beyond where any of them had expected.

It is disturbing how quickly the study of that most alien of things becomes the study of the human self. Every Gehirn project, every castle in the air, revolves around that most glorious of pipe dreams— Instrumentality. Of course, only a few select minds are aware of the goal: the Drs Ikari, of course, and Naoko and SEELE, and they, truthfully, are less minds than simple presences. And to Naoko, Instrumentality is something for her daughter to worry about; she has no doubt that Ritsuko will follow in her footsteps. Truth be told, there is nothing left for the girl save that.

It is a lovely thought, though, the joining of all souls, the legendary completion whose only agent was, until now, true love. Naoko is never more thankful for the Project than when she remembers this. She is a woman of cold, hard science; it is her friend, her lover, her confidant. But numbers and theories leave much to be desired when you dive down to the core, down to the barest minimum.

Naoko wouldn't even care except for Yui. Yui, whose smiles and casual touches and even her looks, drive her mad with longing. Yui, whose soft voice talks of the ultimate unity with a childlike joy even as she sketches the diagrams for what may be the most horrific of all their brainchildren.

After Yui disappears, Naoko will sometimes visit Unit 01. She watches it from a distance, because for all her sentiments, she knows that it is not to be trusted. And it feeds that guilt that ravages her, that drives her to murder and suicide (sin in the first degree).

Naoko does not believe in heaven, or in God, but she believes in the human soul, she believes in Yui and, at the end of it all, she believes most firmly in Instrumentality, in that greatest of completions, because at the end of it she lets herself hope that there are blue eyes, pale hands, soft whispers waiting for her. And, years later, when her soul is roused form the sluggish drowse of death, there are.


	4. his place

Title: everything i wanted you to see  
Author: seetoo  
Fandom: evangelion  
Pairing: naokoxyui  
Rating: pg13, tops  
Word Count: 200  
Warnings: yuri  
Disclaimer: not mine. woez.

theme: 5- his place

notes: gah. i am a writing beast. a very tired beast.

-

Gendo only has one place: the seat of command, whether it be literal or metaphorical. The only variables are those who serve him, those who linger in the shadows to do his unsavory work, those who, in older days, would be called his consort. Yui and Naoko have both been his woman, both been his support, both been the intellect behind his most fabulous machines. Unit 01, the Magi. They will serve him until the last day.

But because Gendo is immovable, and though many times have they both cursed him for it, it is also his greatest strength, he cannot become their everything. He cannot whisper or gently touch, or give himself over to wandering lips and fingertips. It is outside his nature and Yui admits, with a rueful smile tugging the right corner of her pretty mouth, that she wouldn't have him any other way.

Naoko laughs, too intoxicated by Yui's presence to really enumerate her complaints regarding Gendo, and kisses that little half-smile into bloom. She knows, before Yui can say it, that she is all that Gendo is not; she knows because Yui belongs to her in that same way, to fill the spaces Gendo cannot.


	5. don't be afraid

Title: everything i wanted you to see  
Author: seetoo  
Fandom: evangelion  
Pairing: naokoxyui  
Rating: pg13  
Word Count: 204  
Warnings: yuri  
Disclaimer: not mine. woez.

theme: 7- don't be afraid

note: um. yei? this is pretty mediocre. ohwell.

-

"It's just, well, I've never done anything like this before, Naoko."

"Don't worry, Yui." The words are flat, and soft, and cliché and not at all what she wants to say.

"I'm not. It's…I don't know." Her voice is small, but clear, the one ray of light in a dark room.

"Trust me," and the plea is there, at the end, because she has never needed to ask for trust, never had its presence be of any import to her.

"I do, I do," again the unspoken contraction, the something that is far beyond and between them.

"Then what is it?" Her voice is cold again, built of steel and copper wire and run in binary, her first and last refuge.

"It's him." The silence around her deafens and she reaches forward with pale, blind hands into the cold dark and finds no heat, no light, only flesh. And with nervous, flighty touches maybe she can fix this, to instill again the divine spark of life, of love. Fingers lead, lips follow, and a mouth in welcome opens but the words are swallowed, and they're both glad because all that needs to be said lies buried in the gasps, the moans, the sacred silence.


End file.
